


Walk You Home

by LuthienLuinwe



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Under the Red Hood
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Past DubCon, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 03:37:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienLuinwe/pseuds/LuthienLuinwe
Summary: A nightmare has Jason reeling. Luckily Barbara is there to pick up the pieces.





	Walk You Home

**“Even the brave, they depend on someone. The moon only shines with the help of the sun. It's not as safe when you're walking alone. I'll walk you home."  
**

_ Pain. Blinding pain rushing through every inch in his body. Bruce had taught him how to keep his mind occupied under torture once. He’d tried. God, he had tried to keep his mind somewhere else. Anywhere else. But each time the crowbar came down on his body, each new broken bone, and each broken scream made that exercise harder and harder and more and more pointless. _

_ Be a good boy. _

_ Whack.  _

_ Finish your homework. _

_ Whack. _

_ Be in bed by nine. _

_ Whack. _

_ Oh. And tell the Big Man I said hello. _

_ The clock was counting down and didn’t it just figure that he wasn’t going to make it out alive?  Batman wasn’t coming. Bruce wasn’t coming. Still. He couldn’t give up. He carefully maneuvered so his hands were in front of him, crying out in pain when a harsh ‘pop’ signified he’d dislocated at least one of his shoulders. _

_ He didn’t even know where he was hurting anymore. _

_ Everywhere hurt. _

_ :02 _

_ :01 _

_ :00 _

_ Boom. _

Jason woke feeling like he couldn’t breathe. His chest was tight, and his breaths were coming in heaves, nothing rhythmic or even about them. The same damn nightmare, just like it always was. Joker. Always Joker. 

Except when it was Talia.

Always the warehouse. Always the crowbar. Always the explosion. And he couldn’t breathe and his heart was beating a mile a minute and surely to God he was dying again because there couldn’t have been any other explanation for how he was feeling, and a body stirred next to him, and it took him longer than he wanted to to remember where he was and who he was with.

“Jason?” Barbara’s voice asked. She was right next to him, but everything felt so damn far away, and she was so far away, and he wanted to reach out and touch her and he wanted to shove her away and run all at the same time. “Jason?” she repeated, voice clearer that time, and Jason just shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m fine,” he choked out, even if he was the farthest thing on the face of the planet from being fine and he wanted to cry and he wanted to be sick all at the same time, but he needed to act like everything was fine, because who was he to freak out when she was there with him? 

But hadn't they both been hurt by  _ him _ ?

Didn’t they both deserve to feel angry and terrified?

“You aren’t,” she put a hand on his shoulder, and he fell back against her, letting her wrap her arms around him. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to focus on her hand rubbing up and down his arm, on her warm breath on his hair, but all he could hear was laughter and ticking and explosions and bones breaking… “Which one?”

He shook his head and felt her nod understandingly. 

They’d never talked about what happened to either of them. Sometimes he wondered if they ever would. “I’m sorry.” His voice broke and he hated himself all the more for it. Wasn’t he supposed to take care of her? Keep her safe? And yet there he was, being comforted by her when she had suffered by  _ his  _ hands in the worst ways possible.

And the worst part? He didn’t even know what he was apologizing for anymore. _ Sorry for waking you up. Sorry you have to deal with me. Sorry you’re just as fucked up as I am. _

And for a minute, it wasn’t Barbara’s warm arms around him, but Talia’s strong ones holding him down and telling him not to worry. She’d take good care of him, and he hadn't told her no so it must have been okay, but he hadn't been thinking straight, and he just wanted to shut his eyes tightly and not open them again.

“Want to talk about it?” Barbara asked, and Jason took several shaky breaths, trying to calm himself. He could hear the ticking from the clock they shared the tower with, and he wanted to just drown it out with something. With anything. 

Jason shook his head and choked out a “No.” She wrapped her arms more tightly around him, and he tried to focus on breathing her in. She wouldn’t hurt him. She’d never hurt him… She was the only person who understood, who could ever understand what it was like to have a life ruined by that sick son of a bitch…

“I’m so, so sorry you’ve gone through so much,” she whispered, and he tried to focus on playing with the fabric of their comforter, tried to ground himself. But that damn ticking wouldn’t stop, and he could still hear the laughter ringing in his ears, and he wondered if he’d always hear those things, always in the background, never letting him go. 

_ Which hurts worse? _

A strangled noise escaped his throat when that popped into his head.  _ Just go away. Just go away. Just go away…  _ “Do you want me to call Dick?” Barbara asked, and Jason shook his head harder. The last thing he needed was golden child Grayson trying to  _ help him. _

_ A or B? _

“I need…” he trailed off, not sure of what to say. Of what he needed. He needed away from the damn ticking and the thoughts in his head, but he didn’t want to leave her, and didn’t want her to feel bad even though he knew she wouldn’t, that she would understand. “I just… I…”

“It’s okay,” she kissed his forehead and he glanced up at her, hating that he’d caused the worry he saw in her eyes. “You’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to be scared.” He nodded and tried to focus on the soothing quality of her voice, focus on her and how he felt safe between her arms. “So, so many people have hurt you, Jason, and I’m so, so sorry they have.”

_ Forehand or backhand? _

Another strangled noise escaped Jason’s throat, and Barbara held him impossibly closer. He relaxed slightly when she threaded her fingers through his hair, petting him softly. “It’s okay, Jay,” she whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“Okay,” he said, voice barely above a broken whisper. He whimpered when the ticking of the clock seemed impossibly louder. “I can’t…” he trailed off, not remembering where he wanted to go with that thought.  _ I can’t keep doing this. I can’t stay here with that fucking clock. I can’t do this without you….  _ “Please don’t go.”

“I won’t,” Barbara promised, and Jason nodded and rested his head against her chest, listening to the  _ thump, thump, thump  _ of her heart beating inside her chest. Real. Alive. There. “I’m here. Always here.”

The clock ticked again, and Jason felt his stomach lurch. He jerked away from Barbara instinctively, trying to pull himself as far away from the sound as he could, and God, he was going to be sick, and it was just a stupid clock, and he shouldn’t have hated it as much as he did, especially when he knew how much she loved it, but he couldn’t help it, and he needed to get away.

“Jason?” she propped herself up on an elbow, and Jason shook his head and kicked his legs over the side of their bed. “Jay, please talk to me…”

“It sounds like the fucking bomb.” His voice broke and he couldn’t look at her and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

“Jay,” she put a hand on his shoulder, and he melted into her touch. “We don’t have to stay here…”

“But you love it here…”

“Not if it makes you this upset.”

And a sob caught in his throat as his shoulders heaved, and her arms were around his waist before he knew what was going on, and God, he didn’t know what was going on, and he had been so confused, and he tensed up, but… She pulled away and he felt like he could breathe again. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, shutting his eyes yet again.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, voice low and sweet, and he could feel the warmth finding its way back into his body. Just Barbara. She wouldn’t hurt him. She’d never hurt him. “We can always find somewhere else.”

“Okay,” he nodded, glad that she understood. Because as much as the others tried to relate, they’d never be able to. And he hoped to God they’d never be able to.

“We can stay at one of your safehouses tonight,” she suggested, and he shook his head and started to argue that he was  _ fine _ , that it was just a stupid clock and he shouldn’t have had that much of a reaction to it, but she cut him off before he could let any words out. “You aren’t okay to be here. And that’s okay.”

“You won’t get mad?” he looked over at her, feeling more vulnerable than he had in a long, long time. 

“I won’t get mad,” she squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, and he took a shaky breath and nodded.

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“I’ve got your back, Jay,” she said softly.

He’d never been more glad that someone did.


End file.
